dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
