How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
