Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
