the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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