I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
