She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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