Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
