If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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