Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
