I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
