god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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