you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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