So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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