You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
