you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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