If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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