I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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