You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
