They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I sprained my soul last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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