Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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