My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
