I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
