What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
