Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I see more hoeing in ur future
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