Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
