I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
