Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
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I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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