First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
