she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will be naked everywhere
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
