that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
