'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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