Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
