i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
