he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Someone signed my nipple.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
