the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
