Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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