I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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