for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
