oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
