I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
