the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
