we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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