Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
