I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
