you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
