fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
