Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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