He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
