How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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