All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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