yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
