do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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