ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
