I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
