Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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