we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
