I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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