she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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