I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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