whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
