i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
