Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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