i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
