I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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