I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐