can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way