remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
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genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.